Welcome to Grace and Grenades. Where we talk about our experiences with trauma, and how we respond to it. We talk about where we need grace in our lives and what needs to be blown up so life is a little better today than it was yesterday.
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We are not licensed counselors or life coaches but we do work in the trauma healing world. So, join us as we laugh, cry, and probably offend people as we process our trauma out loud. All with the hope of giving you the courage to move forward on your path toward healing.
About Grace and Grenades
Our Story
As a staff at SRT Services, we wanted to find a way to reach more people on a regular basis with a message of hope and healing for Sexually Related Trauma. Our solution was a podcast where we can relay our experiences, our hurt, our hope, and everything else that has come with our healing journeys. But know that we are still in the process ourselves so it may get a bit raw sometimes.
Amy Ebat
Once I had more than just myself to worry about, it became clear I was not healthy. I thought I was “fine” until I got married and very quickly got pregnant. The rage and desire to check out were interfering with my marriage and the ability to be a mom. While giving up had been a comfortable position for me, my husband and I decided we were going to fight for our marriage. During couples counseling, it became apparent I had been stuffing my trauma for a long time and it was getting in the way of having healthy relationships in my life. For most of my life, I questioned what was wrong with me. It wasn’t until I told my story to my husband (the first time I shared it with someone in detail) that I realized the SRT (sexually related trauma) had a lot to do with the way I felt and how I viewed the world around me.
For a long time, I felt like I was permanently damaged, not worth loving, something to just be used and tossed aside. There was so much truth to be discovered! Fast forward, 7 years, my husband and I were on baby number 4 and some of the things I had been working on early in our marriage showed their face again! I thought I was done with this! The thing about healing is it ebbs and flows.
Sometimes we feel the grace needed to continue to push on and push through the hard stuff and sometimes we have to drop a bomb in some area of our life to uproot it and change direction completely. This was one of those moments I needed to drop a bomb. So, I decided to join a SAVAnon group with SRT Services. I went into the group thinking I was healed from this trauma. Trauma riddles our lives with different lies, behaviors, world views, and beliefs that shape how we act and feel. What I didn’t realize was trauma was still controlling a lot of who I was and how I responded to the world around me. I trusted no one, I was extremely selfish, anxious often, and constant toxic shame and guilt controlled my life. While I had worked on a lot of my trauma, there was just so much more that started to come to light that I didn’t realize was sexual abuse or had repressed.
SAVAnon brought up more than I had planned but there was something that I couldn’t explain that happened. I was met with belonging and support. I had finally found my people! These other women got it! They felt the same way I did, they struggled in
similar ways. That alone brought a sense of freedom and acceptance I had never felt before. I quickly started volunteering as a facilitator for SAVAnon groups and eventually was offered a job at SRT Services, where I still work.
Rachel and I both have a desire to share what we have learned. We both realized we love sharing, and our hearts for healing were on the same page. After a weekend of team bonding, we discovered a Podcast was in our future. It hasn’t been easy but it’s definitely something we feel we need to be doing. If we can walk out healing for others to be able to do that same, then I’m doing what I was made for, to help others find freedom, acceptance, love, and worth.
Rachel Bren
Just over nine years ago I hit my breaking point. My husband, daughter, and I had moved to a small town for work. During our time there we added a son to our family and I had a come apart. I grew up in deep trauma having experienced Sexually Related Trauma (SRT) for most of my formidable years. I was the poster child for looking “fine” on the outside while falling apart on the inside. That breaking point sent me on a journey of healing.
This path eventually led me to SRT Services. The amount of healing I received during my SAVAnon class was invaluable. So much so that I knew I wanted to work for them. I (politely) pestered them until they hired me. I knew this class was just the beginning and I was about to walk deeper into my healing.
While I was in the middle of very intense trauma counseling, I faithfully showed up to my appointments every week and worked to process the horrors I experienced growing up. The farther I traveled down my healing journey the more I wished I could ask someone if what I was feeling was normal. I needed someone who was a few steps farther along in their healing journey to answer some of my questions and share the reality of what healing looks like.
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During that time the dream of a podcast was born. Not only did I need this, but the more people we talked to the more it became apparent how valuable candid conversations about healing would be.It has not always been easy and I am still very much a work in progress. But each day I practice what it means to live authentically from a place of wholeness and life rather than living from a place of trauma and wounding.My hope for you is that these conversations will help bring you one step farther on your healing journey; and that they will give you the courage to keep going and make the next right choice.